


like rolling thunder

by finkpishnets



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkpishnets/pseuds/finkpishnets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus sends him fire messages every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like rolling thunder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iloveyoursmile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveyoursmile/gifts).



> For the [Shadowhunters Summertime Fest 2016](http://shsummertimefest.tumblr.com/).

 

**+**

 

He goes to Alicante, and it’s not like his parents drag him kicking and screaming but the order’s clear in their clipped tone and pointed looks. _It’s experience_ , they say when their friends ask about his presence at endless council meetings and formal dinners, and Alec barely resists rolling his eyes because the chances of him leading the Institute went up in smoke the day he chose to stop running, and no amount of suffocating neckwear is going to change that.

He misses New York and Isabelle and decent coffee, and the need to be on the ground looking for Jace claws at his chest until he can barely breathe. It doesn’t matter how many times Izzy tells him he’s more useful where he is, finding out what the Clave knows, using the resources they just don’t _have_ back home outside of Jocelyn’s fractured memory and Magnus’ useless locator spells, it doesn’t ease the churning in his stomach that feels like nothing short of permanent loss.

“It’s just worry,” Lydia says, when her concussion’s gone and she’s deemed ready for visitors. “Worry and fear. He’ll be okay. Jace is a survivor.”

She looks different under the sun of the Glass City, simultaneously fragile and calm, and he wonders if it’s selfish to want her to return to New York after the tangle of awkwardness he perpetuated has faded into something bearable.

“We’ll find him,” Alec says, because that he’s sure of. “I’m just scared he won’t be the same person when we _do_.”

Lydia’s smile is sad when she squeezes his hand. “Maybe,” she says. “But that’s what he has his family for. That’s what he has _you_ for.”

Alec gives her something as closely resembling a smile as he can manage and doesn’t say, _I’m not sure I’ll be enough._

 

**+**

 

Magnus sends him fire messages every day.

Some of them are short, stupid things — caricatures of Magnus’ clients or recipes for weird cocktails — and Alec rolls his eyes and bites his lip to stop himself smiling as passers by shoot him curious looks. He hears enough whispers to know how closely he’s being watched, and his pride feels grazed each time he catches the last twist of a smirk or carefully averted eyes.

He chants _‘Who cares? Who cares? Who cares?’_ inside his head and clutches at paper stained with glitter and the scent of Central Park on a fall evening, trying to make himself believe it. 

He’s not _scared_ anymore. Or— he _is_ , but about things that matter; about where Jace is and what Valentine’s plans are; about Izzy alone with only a fledgling vampire and a lost girl for company; about the war that’s spiralling towards them that no one else wants to see. What he’s not scared about is the secret he used to carry around like Atlas, and that relief would be overwhelming if it hadn’t been replaced with the simmering anger that rises every time the Clave pretends they’re talking down to him out of concern instead of judgement.

Some days Magnus’ messages are longer, and Alec thinks, _I miss you too,_ as he reads about Magnus’ day and his thoughts and his past.

On those days he walks a little straighter, placing the letters carefully into a box he’s repurposed and refusing to regret anything.

 

**+**

 

His mother tries to set him up three times, and when she finally introduces a _boy_ with Academy bred arrogance painted over his naivety, her smile bordering on smug, Alec walks out.

“I’m sure she means well,” Lydia says when she finds him shooting arrow after arrow at the practice targets he hasn’t used since he was a child.

“Thanks for lying,” he says, and Lydia sighs because she’s kind, not stupid.

“Well,” she says, and there’s a hint of mischief to her voice that he’s not heard before, fostered from newfound comfort, “it’s not that boy’s fault he’s not _Magnus Bane._ ”

Alec purses his lips together on a grin and can’t help but say, “Your crush on my boyfriend might make things a little awkward, Lydia,” just to hear her surprised laugh.

“You’re going to be okay,” she says, when she’s stopped looking at him like he’s someone new, and Alec fires off another arrow and wonders if she’s right.

 

**+**

 

Luke’s called to Idris on official Pack/Clave business. Being a werewolf, he’s not allowed through the city’s protection wards, so an envoy is sent to meet on ostensibly neutral ground, and Alec ignores every protest his parents raise and collects enough gear to camp overnight.

He doesn’t know Luke all that well, but some experiences inexplicably link you, and even if they didn’t, he _respects_ him for more than just his abilities as a leader.

“It’s good to see you, Alec,” Luke says, holding out his hand, and Alec doesn’t hesitate to take it. 

Later, after the rest of their party has separated away enough not to be associated or contaminated, Alec mulls over all the ways to ask the questions that’s been buzzing through his mind for too long to define.

“I get it,” Luke says, before Alec has to find the words. “I have an unprecedented insight into two worlds that never normally overlap, so I’m a pretty good sounding board for Shadowhunter/Downworlder relations.” 

“My whole life is changing,” Alec says before he can stop himself, and Luke’s eyes soften. 

“It’s hard,” he says. “No question about it. But…I did the Shadowhunter thing, and I’m doing the Downworlder thing, and, honestly?” He sighs, shaking his head and turning to look at the lights of Alicante burning against the night sky. “I go to sleep knowing that I’m a better man now than I’ve ever been.”

Alec follows his gaze and thinks about Luke and Simon and Meliorn and _Magnus_ , and doesn’t doubt it.

 

**+**

 

Alec hasn’t received a message from Magnus in four days.

He calls Izzy and she promises to go by his place but she’s tied up in a Seelie conflict and doesn’t know when she’ll get away, Luke and his pack have gone dark for a bonding exercise in the forest, Clary and Jocelyn are out of state as Jocelyn tries to remind Clary to keep living while she searches for Jace, and Alec has _no_ idea what Simon’s number is. He considers contacting the New York clan, but last he heard Clary and Izzy had managed to break that alliance, and he’d rather not owe Raphael Santiago a favor if he’s just going to end up orchestrating a tug of war with Simon Lewis front and center.

“I need to go home,” he says when his parents get back from a day of cataloguing every issue under the sun except the pending destruction Valentine’s preparing to rain down on them.

“Why?” his dad asks, frowning at where Alec’s already thrown the few things he’d brought with him in his duffle bag.

“I haven’t heard from Magnus. Something’s wrong.”

His mom purses her lips. “I’m sure he’s just busy,” she says. “I hear some of his parties last for days.” 

Alec’s vision’s already hazy with worry, but it flushes red at the implication. He’s an _adult_ and being held hostage in a city he doesn’t belong to because his parents disapprove of his friends and his actions and his _boyfriend_ , and, _yes_ , Magnus is always busy, and yes, he does throw parties that never seem to end, but he cares about Alec in a way Alec could never deserve.

Alec’s always cared too much about what other people think of him, and it’s kept him frozen as the world spins on. Now he’s finally started to thaw, he’s not going to let down the one person that makes him want to throw caution to the wind and live for himself.

He _never_ wants to let Magnus down.

He grabs his bag and goes to find someone who’ll actually listen.

 

**+**

 

Lydia gets him through a portal without all of the usual red tape.

“Let me know if you need help,” she says and means it, and Alec pulls her into a hug, surprising them both.

“I will,” he says, and hopes they’re friends, hopes he hasn’t pushed away someone who could be good for him before they could ever really get to know each other.

“Goodbye,” she says, and he shakes his head.

“See you later,” he says, and goes home.

 

**+**

 

Magnus _is_ in his apartment.

He’s also bleeding out across the hardwood floors.

Alec’s heart stutters to a halt, and he’s across the room in a breath, fingers gentle as he tries to make sense of the injuries that look like magic and shadows and death.

“Magnus,” he says, and doesn’t recognize his own voice. “ _Magnus_. What do I do?”

Magnus blinks up at him, a smile that twists into a grimace darting over his lips as he focuses. “Alexander,” he says, “I’m sorry about the lack of correspondence. I’ve been unavoidably detained.”

“Shut up,” Alec says. “Shut _up._ Tell me what you need.”

Magnus sighs, and the crease of pain between his eyes slices at Alec’s heart. He’s too hot and too pale and the air around them feels like electricity before a storm.

“Call Caterina,” Magnus says, and Alec dives up, looking for his cellphone and thumbing through it with shaking hands.

He listens to the dial tone and thinks, _I should have been here sooner_ and _I should never have left_.

 

**+**

 

Caterina Loss is exactly and nothing like Alec expects, and he thinks he’s probably offered her everything short of his firstborn in thanks by the time she eventually leaves, Magnus wrapped in half a dozen blankets with a sweet smelling potion bubbling gently away on the stove.

Alec sends Lydia a brief update and lets Izzy know he’s back, and then stands vigil until Magnus’ eyes begin to flutter open on a groan.

“Hi,” he says when Magnus sees him, a swell of warmth settling under his skin as Magnus’ face falls into something soft and fond.

“Alexander.”

“Caterina says it’s no longer a favor and more a tally,” Alec says instead of all the other words that are sat too close to his tongue.

“You’re _home_ ,” Magnus says, ignoring him, and Alec lays down on the bed, just close enough to touch, and melts with relief as Magnus tangles their fingers together and draws him nearer.

“Yeah,” he says, kissing the glitter on Magnus’ cheek and wondering at how different the world looks when you live for what you feel. “I am.”


End file.
